REALITY BITES

Dear Evelyn Lozado-Ochocinco-Johnson,

Fuck you.  

Sincerely,

Monica Wilson

Oh wait, let me back up.

Sorry about the cut to your forehead.  I hope it heals up nicely, but I imagine your plastic surgeon will see to that.  No one deserves to be hit, or kicked, or head butted. 

But do me a favor?  Stop trying to be the face of domestic violence.  The public already has a hard enough time believing survivors stories.  You aren't helping.

I know it's been less than 48 hours since it all happened, and I know how you hate to miss an opportunity to whore it up in the media.  But really, take some time off camera to reflect.  About what? Don't worry, I have some suggestions.

Reflection topic #1: What are you going to do with your life now that you've have ended another relationship with an athlete?  Maybe choose something other than reality television.  It makes you look like a bitch.  Oh wait, that's not the editing.

Reflection topic #2: Get real about who you are.  You are famous for fucking athletes.  You don't bring positivity to the world on any level.  You are catty and mean to people, and violent yourself.  I'd never blame a person who is on the receiving end of intimate partner violence.  Violence just isn't the answer. But when you regularly use violence to prove your point, as you do (throwing bottles and punches when you don't like people or their opinions), you can't expect people to have too much sympathy when the tables turn.  Take inventory of the choices you've made that have led to the situation you are in.  

Reflection topic #3: Instead of playing the victim role, recognize your role as an abuser.  Instead of trying to gather sympathy, determine how you can address the issue of interpersonal violence and then work to end the cycle that you perpetuate when you put hands on your best friend.  

Now it's time to do:

• Treat people how you like to be treated.  Don't like to be hit?  QUIT HITTING OTHER PEOPLE!
• Act like you're family might be embarrassed when they see you wildin' out on TV.  QUIT HITTING OTHER PEOPLE!  And maybe you could stop the screaming, belittling, and throwing of champagne bottles while you're at it.  And don't jump on tables anymore.  
• Behave like you have a teenage daughter who is now starting to date athletes and rappers, like her mama showed her.  Show her the options that are available to her with an education and some self-respect.  Maybe you could QUIT HITTING OTHER PEOPLE?  But maybe also you could find a way to make a living that isn't dependent on whom you are sleeping with.  If for no other reason, your daughter is watching you.  And not just on TV, she can see you in real life too.

But really, until you act right, even a little bit, I'm sticking with fuck you.  If not for me having to be bombarded with your crocodile tears and woe is me disposition over recent events, then for the abusive ways you have treated women you care about.  Violence is violence, don't hurt the people you love.  Or the people you loved at one time.  You might think you are a bad bitch, and that you are about this life.  And if that's still true, after everything you've been through, then seriously: F.....

It's not even worth it.  Just go away already.

Delete Delete Delete

Today I did something I haven't done before.  I've been thinking about it for a few days, because I wanted to make sure that I was doing the right thing.  I've been talking about it for a few days, to anyone who would listen.  Delete a Facebook "friend" or hide them.  I didn't want to hurt her feelings but I also wanted to make a point.  You see my dilemma.

A month or so back, this "friend" who I knew from middle school, went on a FB rant about fat people wearing inappropriate clothes for their body type.  Things like tank tops and shorts.  She qualified it as okay since she is also a "big girl."  Within 24 hours she posted a picture she had taken of a woman in a tank top at Walmart, demonstrating her disgust.  The backlash was immediate and she removed the picture, but  made excuses in a separate post about how she was just making a point.

Three days ago, she did it again.  While in the safety and likely A/C of her mini-van, she snapped a picture of a woman in a skirt and tank top riding a razor scooter.  Not only, according to my ex-facebook friend, dressed inappropriately for the 85 degree day, she had no business riding a scooter.  She would never!  My response?  Good thing you don't have to.

This kind of behavior, cyber bullying by some standards, pisses me the fuck off.  Why you ask?  Let me break it down for you.

1. Fat people look fat no matter what they are wearing, no matter our mode of transport, no matter where we are shopping.  I know this, I deal with it every day.  I've gotten over not wearing red because it makes me look fat, so does black, blue and brown.  Nothing hides it, it's there!  People are going to judge me regardless of what I wear.  I judge other people all the time.  Usually not for their size, but on their merit.  And not merit like how much they've accomplished in their lives, but  how much of an asshole they are on any given day.  

2. Snapping pictures of people you don't know, in secret mind you, without their consent for your friends to also laugh at, is cowardice.  A real bully would go to someones face and poke fun of them for being fat.  Buck up lady, if you are going to do it, do it fucking right.  That way, when you bark up the wrong tree you can get checked for it.  And hopefully in front of your three kids, which you can't blame your weight for, since you were fat in middle school too.  Just like me.  Bitch.

3.Do unto others, right?  You'd know, you are the one who is a god fearing christian.  Talking shit on the internet isn't very Christ like.  Just saying.

4. I get it, you don't like being fat.  Neither do I.  Some days I am more proactive about my health and size than others.  It's my battle, I share it when it feels safe to.  You clearly need support around this issue, and I wish that you had an appropriate platform for this.  Putting strangers down on Facebook, for your 200 friends to see, is not that platform.  You may have trouble seeing beauty when you look in the mirror, but it is likely not for the double chin fractioned neck.  It's because you are acting like an asshole and that isn't a good look.

5.  You don't know her, and you sure as shit don't know her situation.  She may have left an abusive situation with the clothes on her back and was lucky to have a friend loan her a scooter to get to and from the bus stop, considering that there isn't close by-mass transit in your neighborhood.  Or maybe she just likes to ride a scooter.  Maybe she's lost 50 pounds riding around on that scooter, and feels great about her body.  But maybe, just maybe, it's none of your fucking business and you should shut the fuck up.

6.  I fancy myself a role model.  I work for two educational institutions and do my best every day to build relationships with students based on trust and mutual respect.  Bullying, cyber or not, is an issue that has devastating long term effects on people, young and old.  When I was in middle school and made fun of every day for being fat and having the wrong clothes and being poor and having the wrong hair and glasses, I hated my life.  We didn't call it bullying, but we all knew it was wrong.  It simmered down around teachers so no one got in trouble, but the pain was heavy in my mind.  It was another secret I had to keep and more shame to add to the heap.  I grew up, I got over it (so to speak), but as an advocate for young people I will not laugh it off or ignore it.  Especially not when it is an adult doing it.  Especially not when it takes only one of your friends to repost the picture, and one of theirs, for this poor woman to see how she has been taunted (without her knowledge or consent) on Facebook.  I can't be a party to that, in any sense.  For me to be a safe person for young people, and adult students as well, to discuss their issues with, I have to set the example.  And you, lady with three children, should consider doing the same.

So there you have it folks.  Me, another rant about being pissed off and not liking people.  I may be as much of an asshole as my former Facebook friend, but at least I've got good reasons.